My first time getting paid for it.

Usually I give it up for free. Now I feel used and I haven’t even held the check in my hand, just a contract promising me $250. (I hear that’s good money for what I just did.)

Yeah, that’s right. I sold a piece of myself…A piece of writing.

I thought it would feel better, but now I’m preoccupied with the shame of it: It wasn’t that good. People are probably judging me right now!  Also I’m stuck in a kind of literary psychosis wondering what it means that Narrative magazine published my istory as part of Narrative Backstage, which is like pay-per-view. Was the piece not quite good enough for the free online version? (What kind of a question is that?)

Aw, hell. What am I doing? I should be grateful anyone’s willing to pay money for my writing. And I AM. Really.

It’s just that once money is exchanged for something…I don’t know…that something feels sorta cheapened. I don’t understand this feeling, but I’m making a real effort to focus on the good parts. Namely that my face appears in a line up next to other REAL writers in a literary magazine that I LOVE.

So thank you, universe (and Narrative people). I hope you enjoy the tiny peek at my private stuff.

17 thoughts on “My first time getting paid for it.

    • Thanks, Dawn. By the way, I envy all the travelling you’ve been doing. How’s your writing? You sound WAY busy. I don’t know how you even blog as much as you do. You’re awesome.

      • Thanks! I feel very lucky to have done all this traveling recently and the current series of blog entries have been pretty well received, as I highlight our trip to Peru. I have been lagging on the blog though, short of my usual 3 entries a week. The trip was so amazing and meant so much to me, it’s hard to sit down and put words to page. It may take awhile to write about the whole 2+ week trek and Amazon adventure! Stay tuned… Again, Mazel Tov on the Narrative piece!

    • You’re too kind, my friend. Way. Too. Kind.

      I’ve been unable to do much of anything productive this summer and after finding out about this publishing thingy. It’s about time I pull up my big girl pants and get on with life.

      • You make me laugh. Out loud. I hear you. I find myself very unmotivated since our return from Peru and spend an awful lot of time doing, almost nothing. I think you deserve to crow a bit and enjoy this success. You are very talented, and it’s fun to see your writing out there. Keep it up big girl!

    • Thanks! There’s actually a ton of great stuff in Narrative Backstage. Consider “donating” to Narrative and accessing ALL of it 🙂

      Glad you stopped by!

  1. I have to tell you “cousin”- the opening teaser is a great grabber. super Congrats for getting some real world sustenance ( aka CASH) for doing what you obviously do very well!
    When it comes to your writing, there is never ‘Nuff said. :-0

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