Things are happening in my country. Bad and probably good things, but mostly big and heavy and hard to carry things. Everyone’s “taking a stand,” posting rants and heartfelt messages and quoting dead people. A few are actually doing something—walking in marches and holding candles.
But not me. I’m just sitting here grinding my gears.
Today, I’m home with my family. The rain beats at our windows, but we’re inside, so it’s okay. Firelight and lamp light and oven light brighten the dark spaces, and yeah, I’m feeling guilty about being all First World, but still, I’m grateful. Light makes me feel safe.
When I was young I was afraid of the dark. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m still afraid. Darkness is scary!
The phrase “she’s in the dark” means she’s ignorant. Likely this accounts for my obsessive light craving. Also November. Ideas are bright, but right now there’s not a single spark in my braincave.
The other day I sat down at my kitchen table and started listing things this past year that made me happy. I’m selfish. I want to focus on these happy things and less on the big heavy things—the things a grown woman should understand, yet I don’t.
I’ll get back to it—I promise—but I’m putting it down for now, taking a break from being all dark and hopeless and whatever. It’s not doing me or anybody else a damn bit of good. Not this minute, anyway—maybe the future me will be stronger (and smarter?) for the lifting, but today I’m lightening my load. Today I choose happy.
13 Things I’m Thankful for in 2014 (an unordered list)
- Vitamin D (and how it’s available in pill form).
- My gym, which includes my two workout buddies, Heather and Brenda.
- My dog. Okay, she’s actually our whole family’s dog.
- Logsplitters. That they were invented and that I don’t need a special license to use them.
- The non-cancerous nodules on my thyroid.
- Hats, especially when they’re made by people I like.
- Carmel Cone ice cream.
- Graduation. Specifically mine this past August. The MFA is cool, but better is my crew of swell friends from the Rainier Writing Workshop. Potty Mouth Girls and RWW14: you know who you are.
- My rad husband and rad daughter and the rest of my family (when they’re being nice, that is).
- Adventure Time. For lines like, “You’re grounded! Underneath my butt.” – the Ice King
- My aeropress.
- Second chances. I’ve needed plenty this year, and I plan to be better about giving them.
- Nail guns. These make you feel powerful and also speed up jobs, like roofing.